Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Dating Game ~ Waiting

So, here are more of my thoughts on dating. If you missed my first two posts, here  is the first one, and  this one is the second.

Waiting for "The One" is hard. I suppose I never really thought about it until friends and acquaintances of mine were getting engaged and married, left and right.

One of my friends and I would joke that there was "life after college", meaning that there are other guys in the world and if we didn't find our soulmate while in college--it was OK. A group of us decided to go on "deputation" after college to find our Knights-- of course, it was in jest. Still, you can imagine that as the years drew closer to graduation, and some of us found ourselves without a ring, this idea didn't sound so crazy after all ;) We sure did cook up some harebrained ideas.

My junior year I started dating...uh, let's call him George. Now THAT is a story for a another post...maybe even several. Anyway, during this time, PW said something that has stayed with me, and I will use in future relationships.

He said, "Elsa, whether or not you like him is not the main issue; you should drop him if you don't respect him. You must respect him if you want to go forward". My first thought was, "What?!? DROP him?" But the more I thought on it, the more I realized just how true of a statement it was.

I DIDN'T respect him in a sense that I could easily {not that it will ever be "easy", but you know what I mean} yield my will to his if we ever got married {which was thrown around a lot, so it was a possibility}. Because I'm the second oldest in my family of 11, I have a hard time respecting those who are younger--in the sense of me obeying them. Not to say that I don't respect those who are younger, because there are several people who I have a great deal of respect for and they are not older than me :) But these people had to earn my respect.

George was a nice guy, but nice is not enough to build a relationship/marriage on. One of the biggest reasons why I ended my relationship with him {among many others} was the fact of me not being able to respect him as the head of our household. I would've had to constantly watch my attitude, and obedience--and I'm sure I would've pulled the "trump" card--"Well, I'm older!" Sounds really petty, I know, but respect is one of the basis of relationships--and it doesn't even have to be with a guy/girl. Just respecting people in general. I definitely don't want to be the type of wife spoken of in Proverbs who is like a continual drop of water...ANNOYING.

It's hard to obey/listen to people who you have zero respect for. Most of us have to earn the respect of others--it is not just "handed" out. I don't expect people to respect me instantly, and rarely do I respect others upon meeting.

I remember praying and asking God to let me marry a guy who was older than me. It would be funny if I ended up falling in love with a guy younger than me, but I know respect would be one of the basis because it is part of my DNA.

Now, for all those out there who's husbands are younger, I do have admiration for you. I've always been very intrigued by guys who dated older girls and girls who dated younger guys. And if it works for you, than great! I have several friends who have spouses that are older, and their marriages are exemplary.

I just know, for me, I can't do that. So, here I wait--sometimes patiently, sometimes impatiently, but always trusting for God's best. When I hear of friends starting to date, or have gotten engaged, or have sealed their love in marriage, I am happy for them--and anticipate the day it is MY turn!


Kristi said...

I have to tell best girlfriend married a man twelve years younger than her. I always kid her about him graduating kindergarten when she graduated from high school. Boy, that's perspective. haha

My daddy always said to never marry anyone you wouldn't marry. Respect was on that list. So that was good advice from "PW."


Anonymous said...

Oh Elsa, I loved loved loved this post! Unfortunatley (I guess) I'm in the exact same boat, and I completely agree, sometimes it is really hard. Haha, I think I was one of the ones you talked to about the whole "deputation" thing. Still wanna go? ha! But seriously, I kow that it's difficult. Everytime I start to get sad, I have to remind myself that God is in control. Only He knows the perfect plan, perfect timing, and perfect man. Until He revels His perfect will, we must wait patiently (or impatiently at times lol). But this short time of waiting will seem like nothing compared to how wonderful our lives will be when the RIGHT one comes into our lives! Love you monkey!


Christina Alvarado said...

I completely understand! I love this post...I might join you on that deputation too:) But really whenever I think about it I have remember that his will is best, even though we may not know when or where, we can always prepare and wait:)

Elsabeth said...

Kristi~ That is too funny. It would be even MORE funny if it happened to me! lol :)

Lizzie-o~ That deputation trip does sound appealing, huh? :) I'm with you on waiting for God's best! Can't wait to see what our future holds! Love ya too, Girl :)

Christina~Preparing while we wait is a good thought, and one that I have had in the last year or so. I know that if a guy proposed to me right now, I wouldn't be ready to be the wife I need to be. So, I'm preparing myself--and everytime something comes up in the Book of Proverbs about a wife, I think about it and work on being or not being like her.