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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bittersweet

My dear readers--I have been remiss in accomplishing my goal of posting every day this past week. I do apologize that I did not mention beforehand that I would be away. Actually, I didn't think I wouldn't be able to post, but that was the case. I had forgotten just how busy Preaching Conference is.

This past week I was down in Indiana for FBC's annual Preaching Conference. This week was a highlight when I was in college, and I find it to be the same out of college.

As a college student, I--along with hundreds of others--was involved with preparation work such as White Glove {cleaning the dorm top to bottom}, and college work party--working to make our campus as inviting as possible to incoming guests. Working in the kitchen during that week was exhausting as we all put in many hours making sure people were fed and happy. There were late nights, and early mornings. It was go, go, go--but I loved it. This past week I enjoyed being on the receiving end of it and was thankful for all the work that was put into it.

It is so neat to be able to gather with like-minded believers and be challenged and exhorted from God's Word, and each other. The preaching was so good--I was personally challenged to learn more about Contemporary Christian Music and its dangers from Dr. Cloud's teaching sessions. Pastor Strange's message on "God in the Hands of Angry Sinners" made me marvel once more at the mercy and love of God as Jesus went to the Cross and suffered for us. All of the messages preached contained so much truth and it was a blessing to sit under the teaching and preaching of God's Word.

It was also a blessing to see friends that I haven't seen in a while. It was wonderful. But also {so} bittersweet. My time there was overshadowed by the fact that it was my last time being at preaching conference. Seeing all the friends that I had made during my years of college and reacquainting myself with many of the church members was certainly memorable. Hearing the orchestra, and wonderful singing--the vitality and business of life was also a highlight. The only thing I didn't miss was the drama that goes on in the girls dorm! I don't know how I will be able to bear not seeing most everyone for at least 10 years.
A mid-life crisis is what I {half jokingly} call this experience of being uprooted. My life is starting all over again. And, I don't understand any part of it. Still, one thing I know and depend on is: God is still in control of the things that happen to me. None of this is a surprise to Him! I have to trust Him, for I will go insane trying to "rationalize" what has happened these last few months. How plans that were well-laid have become derailed. How the security of knowing what is ahead has vanished: leaving me with only one true option--putting my life completely in God's control and leaving it there {as it should have been from the start}. I'm learning the meaning of letting go and and letting God have His way in my life. In the midst of confusion, insecurity, and feelings of being cast adrift, I find peace in the knowledge that God knows, and God cares. That God has a plan for me, even though I don't see it. I can't see the big picture right now, but God can, and one day I'll look back on my life and see how all the details worked out to make me the vessel that He wants.
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